the four people you will meet

There will be four very important people you will meet in your life. But of course, there will be many more important people in your life, but these four in particular will forever change you. They will help you grow, shape you. They will make you stronger. Some will be gentle, some will be harsh. Some will make you feel like you’re worth the world, and some will bring you straight to your knees. 

The wrong person at the wrong time

This person will probably be your first boyfriend or girlfriend. It may be something special. No, it probably was something special, just in a different way. Maybe you lost your virginity to this person. Maybe they were your first kiss. (Hopefully in reverse order lolol).  Maybe you even consider this person your first love. But in most cases, that probably won’t be true. This person is the idea of how love is suppose to be. It’s the foundation in which you gain an understanding of what you want out of a relationship, what you need, and most certainly what you do not want or need. This is a big chapter in your life. This person will teach you a lot about yourself, your likes and dislikes, what is an absolute deal-breaker, and what are some qualities you want in a future relationship. But mostly you’ll have fun and a ton of butterflies with this person. This person will get to explore things with you and share such a fragile part of your brain and heart. Ultimately, you’ll understand that this person isn’t right for you. It was simply love in passing. It was a summer of romance. Or maybe even a long relationship full of firsts. You are no where near ready to settle down, and of course you still ask yourself, “what else is out there? Who else is out there?”. Say thanks for the memories to your first and move on. 

The right person at the wrong time

This is next step in your journey of finding love and happiness. This person is probably someone you’ll never forget. The person you will have the most fun with and the person with whom you will completely and fully open your heart and soul to. This is the person who will help you grasp who you truly are. Come face to face with your devils and ride a crazy roller coaster with you while trying to figure it all out. You’ll wear your heart on your sleeve and you’ll be closer than ever. This is the person who you wish you could spend your life with, but there is only one thing truly standing in the way: timing. Timing is such a pain in the ass. So you may have to move forward without this one. You haven’t explored everything yet, the world, the sights, the people, and you simply cannot give everything to someone until you’re ready to give everything to yourself. And you still haven’t found yourself yet. Not quite.. This ‘right person at the wrong time‘ has everything you need, but sadly, for whatever reason it may be, it won’t work out. You’ll grow and learn from this person forever. You’ll never forget this person, and you will learn more from this person than you can imagine. This person is crucial. This person feels like home. 

The wrong person at the right time

This phase has got to be the hardest phase to go through. You’ve discovered yourself. You feel so good about yourself, and you’re finally ready to take the plunge and dive into marriage and kids. Everything is right. You feel it. But what you also feel is that this person isn’t the one. You can feel it all over. You cannot deny it, but you try to, because everything is all right, so obviously you think, why can’t this person be right? Because it wasn’t meant to be. This one is a tough one. Oh man, will you learn. And it’ll hurt too, but you’re going to be so much stronger. I promise. You’ll learn mostly how much strength it takes to walk away from something or someone you know isn’t right for you. You’ll learn about the courage it takes to be honest with yourself. And you’ll learn that there are painful endings. And that sometimes, no matter how hard you try to hang on for dear life, you will get thrown from it. With blisters on your hands and scrapes on your knees, you’ll get back up again. For the last time. 

The right person at the right time

At last. This is pure gold. This is the person you’ll spend your life with. You may even skip all of the above steps and find this person early in life. This is when it feels like the stars have aligned. Everything is right. Everything feels right. You can feel it in your bones. In the pit of your stomach and in your core. Or maybe it’s just a simple, when you know, you know. Maybe this person is even the one that was right at the wrong time. Maybe you’ve grown and figured things out that you weren’t able to before. Maybe you were able to reconnect and be stronger than ever. This phase of your life makes you feel complete. You feel happy and complete even without this person, but this person makes waking up feel like you’re the luckiest person alive.  Everyone deserves to find this person. This person will teach you the most important things about yourself. They will fill in all the missing pieces that were left over from the others. They will patch up the holes in your heart from all of the stabs it took along the way. I hope every single one of you find this person. I hope you never settle for anything less, and I hope you realize you deserve this person as much as they deserve you. 




will/can ’13 Reasons Why’ increase or decrease suicide?

What a show to watch. My first opinion is that it was very well written, directed, and just one of those shows you cannot stop watching. You go on with your day, but in the back of your mind you keep thinking, when can I get back to it? And you keep thinking about Hannah. The young, beautiful, and vulnerable high school student who was so distraught and pained that she thought the only way out was suicide. 

And then I found myself thinking a lot about my pain. About those really really trying days, were I truthfully believe everyone has been, where it feels like maybe the world’s ending or that there’s just nothing left. Or maybe I’m trying to make myself feel better, or less weak, because I’ve had more than a few share of those days. Or maybe I’m just part of that handful of people who suffer from depression. From a dark cloud above my head that consistently wants to rain on me. But I previal. I keep pushing on. Because I have this little light in me that won’t turn off. It wouldn’t go away if I tried. And then I had my son, and now I forever feel a fire burning inside me. 

But what about the people who have lost that light? Or had a weakened light to begin with? Whether it be genetics or trauma? Mental disorders? What about the people who, at this very moment, may have been considering suicide for awhile now? What about those people watching the show with idealization and contagion? Will those considering suicide see how quick it was for Hannah to end her pain? For her to make it all go away?

I don’t know. 

What a tough subject to write about. It’s such a tough subject to use any words to describe it. Am I downplaying it? Am I overplaying it? Are the words I’m using not sensitive enough? Are they the right words? Are they the wrong words?

Again, I don’t know. But I do know it’s important to talk about it, just like the creators of the show did. So please take every single word I use as I am using it as gently as respectfully as possible. Because I truthly am. 

I am, though, extremely impressed for the amount of research the crew did beforehand. The writers, the directors, the actors, the inclusion of so many psychologists and experts. I think they’re going to get a lot of shit for however they portrayed anything and everything. For every person who thought it was depicted accurately, another person thought it wasn’t. Oh that would never happen in my school. Did it? Is it?

That’s how it’s always going to be. Many parts of me wanted to believe things like that don’t happen. Perhaps it’s because it’s easier than to face the truth? Why didn’t Hannah stop the rape? Why didn’t anyone come forward about the tapes? Why didn’t Sheri call 911 after running down a stop sign? Why does anyone do or does not do anything? Why? And I wonder, what are the older generation’s thoughts on suicide. Before cyber bullying was a real thing. Before everyone could know within minutes what everyone else was doing. 

I don’t know. None of us truly know. You don’t know how you’re ever going to act until you yourself are in that situation. Until you’re in those seconds where you are left with you. With everything you know and feel, and you make a decision. Maybe you thought it was a good decision. Maybe you knew it was a bad decision. None the less, you made a decision. Or maybe you didn’t make any decision. But you still had an effect anyways. We all do. We always have an effect. 

So that’s where you just realize from watching this that you truly have absolutely no idea what anybody is going through at any given time. I loved at the end when Clay asked an old, disconnected friend to hang out. When? She asked. What about now? 

And so I wonder, will this increase the rate of suicide or decrease the rate of suicide? Will people considering suicide see how much pain was left behind? Or will they see that Hannah was freed from her pain and believe that they, too, can be freed?

I just want to hug and hold so tightly all those poor souls who think suicide is the only way. Is suicide really an option? I mean, is it a viable option if the pain is greater than not? 

Absolutely open and free from judgment. Do you think 13 Reasons Why can increase or decrease suicide? Or maybe you think it won’t do anything? Do you think suicide is an option?

Please feel free to comment here or email me if you’d feel more comfortable. About anything. Everything. I’m here for you. 

Maybe somebody will comment anonymously the way Hannah did in class. Maybe somebody needs help. Maybe we can save a life right here right now. 


As Ellen always says, be kind to one another. 

Cook & Gather, Uncategorized

wrapping up the winter season | warm your belly meatloaf

Today was filled with a run to the good ol’ fashion laundromat. Matthew and I are still waiting to buy our washer/dryer. We are hoping to have that checked off our list this weekend. This is the third week I’ve gone to the laundromat, and while it’s kind of tough dragging along a very enegertic toddler, it gives you a new appreciation for laundry, the tending to your clothes and and these items we forget to give TLC to. With the fast-pace lives we lead, sometimes we toss everything together and go. Today brought me back to when I use to help my grandmother with our laundry in her old, blue machine. We’d run the clothes through a ringer after the cycle and then we’d set up outside with our basket and clothes pins, lining one by one to dry so peaceful in the breeze. Though it took longer, our clothes were cared for and we appreciated them. It was a beautiful bonding time between us  And that is exactly how it was for me and Owen this afternoon. It was delightful. 

But this post was definitely not about laundry. When we came home, I whipped up this amazing meatloaf that I just had to share. You won’t be let down! I wanted one last “fill up your belly with warm goodness” kind of meal now that Spring is here (Yay!) and this hit the spot exactly. We paired it with brussle sprouts, green beans, and baked potatoes. Enjoy!

Mamajbirdy’s Meatloaf

What you’ll need:

2 pounds ground beef

1 egg

4 pieces of bread

2 handfuls of Cheez-Its

1 tsp sea salt

2 tsp cracked black pepper

2 tsp Sazon seasoning

3 garlic cloves, minced

1 red onion, chopped

1 cup (+) Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce

1 tbp turbonado sugar

Combine the ground beef, egg, salt, pepper, garlic, onion, BBQ sauce, and Sazon seasoning in a large bowl. Break the bread apart into small pieces with your hands and add it to the mixture. Crush the Cheez Its into crumbs and add this as well. Add this to a greased baking dish. Top with extra BBQ sauce and sugar. Bake at 375 for 1-1.5 hours. 
What is your favorite comfort meal?