Natural & Holistic

when our hearts ache with anxiety


There’s been a lot of times lately, where my heart just feels like it cannot hold more. Hold more love. Hate. Pain. Anxiety. Doing anything requires double the amount of energy because I have to spend so much time in my own mind. And forget about trying to have anyone understand. And in the rare case that they do, hold on to them ever so gently.

And that’s the hard part. That when our hearts ache our journey can feel so alone. Like we’ve climbed to the top of the mountain just to scream our lungs out to the vast emptiness.

And you don’t understand. The anxiety. Feeling afraid, physically and mentally, to do something you know rationally shouldn’t ache you this way.

Try harder they tell you. You’re suppose to be an adult they tell you. They tell you this and they tell you that. But they never ask why. They never ask why. They never ask, “are you okay?”

I experienced a couple unusual moments after my son was born. I battled a few panic attacks. And let me tell you, I thought I was going to die. It’s something I’ll never forget.

My heart raced and I was shaking. I experienced more fear in those few moments than I ever had. I paced. And then I paced some more. I got my headsets out to listen to music but with no previal. I felt weak. Like everything was closing in on me. And you know what I wanted? I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. 

I want you to know that it’s okay. That everything is going to be okay. That you are strong and independent and that you’ve had a rough journey, some trying times, but they’ve shaped you and they’ve carried you. They drifted you like a leaf in the wind. Twisting and turning. Twirling at times, like a beautiful ballet dancer. 

But those times also brought you a lot of baggage of anxiety. A suitcase overflowing at the steams, screaming, let me out! 

You’re going to find someone to share your soul with. You’re going to find that person who is going to hold you at these times and tell you, with a giant bear hug, every single thing is going to be okay.

Because that’s what I believe our journey is all about. Finding ourselves in unusual ways and sharing ourselves with someone that makes our soul happy. And you’re world is going to fall into place.

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it” Lou Holtz

However you carry it. It’s okay. And when you find someone to share it with, you’ll feel light as a feather.

Take cover, when your heart aches. But don’t run away. Be strong. Because you’re going to make it through this like you always have. 

xx mamajbirdy

praying for love & happiness! Mama to mama!

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Natural & Holistic

antidepressant withdrawals | emergency + healing kit

I wanted to open up a little bit and invite you into a little secret in my life. By opening up, I want you to know that you aren’t alone in your struggles. We all struggle from time to time, some of us even struggle all of the time. I hope to always be guinine while sharing my stories, but at the same time, I have truly grown to love keeping some details of my life private and for me + mine only. Isn’t that just lovely? Minding your own affairs and trying to better yourself?

But this is just one of those times where I feel it’s too important to be silent because there a lot of souls out there suffering from a mental illness. 

After Owen was born, I suffered from post-partum depression, simply put, it was more than just the typical baby blues. I felt such a wide range of emotions I didn’t even know I could feel. It was a very happy time in my life, but there was this little dark cloud that would hang out above my head, throwing rain on me, following me around with negativity and sadness. I decided it was time to speak up to my doctor at my sixth week post-partum checkup. He was amazing and extremely delicate in regards to my feelings. All of us need help sometime or another. And that is OK. I promise. 

There were times when I felt really weak during this period of asking for help and receiving help. I felt like, I, as a mother, should have been fully equipped to handle all of the emotions that came with my new bundle of joy. But I just couldn’t seem to shake that cloud over my head. I was worried my depression would stop me from becoming the great mother I knew I was meant to be. 

Enter antidepressants. Oh, my terrible love-hate relationship with them (and of medications in general). Sigh. Anyways.. I ended up being on this antidepressant for almost a year, and as of recently, I decided to wean off of it. It. Was. Horrible. The withdrawals were painful and I was a hot mess for about two weeks. I withdrew without the support of a doctor (I moved to another state and hadn’t seen a new provider yet), and I really highly suggest you don’t do it on your own. 

I had every side effect in the book. I’ll spare you the gruesome details, but all around, it was not a fun experience. That is why I so badly wanted to write and offer support and help to others who may be coming off of a medication (not just an SSRI). 

Medication Withdrawal Healing Kit:

  • Motion sickness pills | or a more natural approach would be to include ginger in your tea | check out one of my favorite recipes here
  • Washcloths | to be drenched in cold water for your forehead
  • Sleepytime Tea | to be used at night with honey to relax and help you fall asleep
  • Someone to help care for your children and help around the house | I seriously had to stay lying down for almost a week straight 
  • Plenty of water 
  • Epsom salt | draw yourself a warm bath and soak in it for at least 15 minutes, upon getting out of the bathtub, do so slowly
  • Essential oils | to diffuse lavender for relaxation + healing

One of the strangest symptom I have ever experienced were these “electrical zaps” that would wash over my entire body, like I was on an elevator moving in between two floors. There was nothing I could do to make them go away during this withdrawal period, but I learned that I had to slowly stand up if I had been sitting down for long periods, and I learned not to move my head too quickly or I’d become extremely dizzy.

I don’t regret taking an antidepressant, it truly saved my first year of motherhood, but I’m glad I feel a lot better now and that I can move forward onto the next chapter of my health and wellness (with a moral natural approach) 

{ Luckily, I didn’t have any depressive episodes coming off of the medication, if you experience these, you definitely need to let your doctor know. It’s extremely important. Although I didn’t feel depressed, I did experience pretty drastic mood swings and I was very irritable. I almost yelled at this poor lady at H&M because she wouldn’t let me return my hat. Make sure you have a loved one around that understands + gets it. You’ll need it}

Just remember you aren’t alone! And that this withdrawal period won’t last forever. You aren’t alone in these battles, and you are loved. Always. Always. Always.

Have you ever taken an antidepressant and suffered from withdrawals? What’s your favorite tip for getting through it? I’d love to hear. 

As Ellen always says. Be kind to one another. 

xx,

mamajbirdy